Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
