you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
