Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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