You really coming over, don't trick.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
