I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
being pregnant is like rehab
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
