I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
