Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
