My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
