you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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