I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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