she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
