Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize