he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
