I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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