Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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