What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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