my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
