like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize