I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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