whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
