just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
