Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
