We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
