he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize