I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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