I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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