dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize