Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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