Apparently you make a good broom.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
