OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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