i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
