i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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