So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
