Please, let me fuck your mom
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My breasts were aching with rage.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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