Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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