I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
