you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
