She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
