I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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