I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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