HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
