Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
