Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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