So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize