I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
