Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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