Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
