It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
