This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
