You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
