hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
