The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
