are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
