she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
