Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
