a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
