I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
