I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
