I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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