haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
