i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
