he wants to bone in the snuggie
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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