I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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