My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We named our party play list daddy issues
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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