Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize