He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
