I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
