There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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