R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
