And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
