He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
