Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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