I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
